Words of Wisdom

My wife ran off with my best friend last week.
Man, I miss him!

Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband,
you will usually find that he is.

There are easier things in life than finding a good man....
nailing Jell-o to a tree for instance."

Mankind is stupid. If you forget, they will remind you.

Men are like fish...
neither would get in trouble if they kept their mouths shut.

What a nice night for an evening.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface.

On one hand, I'm indecisive; but on the other, I'm not.

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance.

The world's full of apathy, but I don't care.

Perspective is in the eye of the beholder.

Prejudiced people are all alike.

Those who judge others will burn in Hell!

Exaggeration is not all it's cracked up to be.

I'm still not sure if I understand ambiguity.

There's no such thing as nonexistence.

Cooperation can only be reached if we work together.

As far as I'm concerned, treachery will sometimes bring loyalty into question.

It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

Avoid cliches like the plague.

Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

I always try to do things in chronological order.

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

Death to all fanatics!

An oral contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Don't chew [or eat] with your mouth full.

It's deja vu all over again.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!

I always wanted to be a procrastinator!

Rehab is for quitters!

Don't be redundant by repeating yourself.

Some people type so fast that forget to include

I am becoming increasingly worried that there isn't enough anxiety in my life.

I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid.

Free advice is worth what you paid for it.

Entropy just isn't what it used to be.

I keep telling myself that I am a pathological liar,
but I am not sure if I believe it.

Not only am I redundant & superfluous,
but I also tend to use more words than necessary.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Always be on the lookout for conspicuousness otherwise,
it's hard to tell if someone is inconspicuous.

He doesn't have much of a reputation, or so I've heard.

I disagree with unanimity.

I have my doubts about disbelief.

Avoid Alliteration.
Always.

Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

I always wanted to be a procrastinator... never got around to it.

There's a fine line between fishing and
   just standing on the shore like an idiot.

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

"I'd rather regret the things I have done than the things I have not."
   Lucille Ball

Smoking kills, and if you're killed,
   you've lost a very important part of your life.

People have the right to be stupid, but some abuse that privilege.

Join the army, meet interesting people, kill them.

Pride of nationality depends not on ignorance of other nations,
   but on ignorance of one's own.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.

Free advice is worth what you paid for it.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.

Careful. We don't want to learn from this.
   Calvin

Always remember,
three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.