Wisdom of Marriage

I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous.
   Whenever I feel like getting married,
   they send over a lady in a housecoat and
   hair curlers to burn my toast for me.

If your wife wants to learn how to drive,
   don't stand in her way.

Love: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...

Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.

Marriage still confers one very special privilege,
   only a married person can get divorced.

Don't marry a tennis player. For love means nothing to them.

No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and
   dissected at least one woman.

All marriages are happy,
   it's the living together afterward that causes all the problems.

Sign in a marriage counselor's window: "OUT TO LUNCH - THINK IT OVER."

DICTIONARY: The only place where divorce comes before marriage.

Married life is very frustrating.
   In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the wife listens.
   In the second year, the woman speaks and the husband listens.
   In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

I think, therefore I am single.

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy.
   One is to let her think she is having her own way,
   and the other is to let her have it.

Married men live longer than single men do,
   but married men are a lot more willing to die…