New England Computer Terms

1.  Log on - Make the wood stove hotta.
2.  Log off - Don't add no more wood.
3.  Monitor - Keep an eye on that wood stove.
4.  Download - Getting the firewood off the truck.
5.  Floppy disk - What you get from trying to carry too much firewood.
6.  Ram - The thing that split that firewood.
7.  Hard drive - Getting home in the winta.
8.  Prompt - What the mail ain't during the winta.
9.  Window - What to shut when it's cold outside.
10. Screen - What to shut during black fly season.
11. Screen saver - Duct tape for the torn window screen.
12. Byte - What the black flies do.
13. Bit - What the black flies did.
14. Megabyte - What the BIG black flies do during trout season.
15. Chip - Munchies for TV.
16. Microchip - The crumbs in the bag after you've eaten the chips.
17. Modem - What you did to the weeds growing in the driveway.
18. Dot matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife.
19. Lap top - Where the beer spills when you pass out.
20. Software - The dumb plastic knives and forks they give you at McDonalds.
21. Hardware - Real stainless steel cutlery.
22. Mouse - What makes the holes in the Cheerios box.
23. Main frame - What holds the house up, hopefully.
24. Enter - The only way to win those magazine ad sweepstakes.
25. Web - What a spida makes.
26. Web site - What's found in the corners of high ceilings.
27. Cursor - Someone who swears.
28. Search engine - What you do when the caa dies.
29. Home page - Map you keep in your back pocket in case you get lost in the woods.
30. Upgrade - Steep hill.
31. Server - Waitress.
32. Mail server - Male waitress, damn few in Vermont.
33. Sound card - One of them technological birthday cards that plays music when you open it.
34. User - The neighbor who keeps borrowing stuff.
35. Browser - A problem moose in the garden or blueberry patch.
36. Network - Mending holes in the fishnet.
37. Internet - Complicated fishnet repair method.
38. Netscape - What haddock do when you don't do your network.
39. Online - Good sign there'll be clean clothes this week.
40. Offline - The clothespins let go and the laundry falls to the ground.