BEER WARNING LABELS

Due to increasing product liability litigation,
American beer brewers have accepted the FDA's suggestion
that the following warning labels be placed immediately
on all beer containers:

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you
to tell the same boring story over and over again
until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN !!!

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are
 really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering
what the hell happened to your pants.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
 converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think
you have mystical Kung Fu powers,
resulting in you getting your ass kicked.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over
in the morning and see something really scary
(whose species and/or name you can't remember).

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable
rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,
smarter and more handsome,
than some really, really big guy named FRANZ.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think
people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance
in the time-space continuum,
whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time
may seem to literally disappear.

WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.